


Beauty And The Beast

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: This is not a usual Beauty and the beast story ... just read and enjoy ;)





	1. Chapter 1

Tuomas had changed.  
He had always been that melancholic, quiet man but in those last weeks he had turned into a happy and bubbly person. His songwriting turned from depressed love songs to happy love songs and one day his band members had enough.  
They called in a band meeting and as they all had taken a seat, Anette asked him straight forward.  
"Are you in love?"  
"What makes you think so?" Tuomas was suspicious.  
"Your songs, man." Marco leaned back. "They're happy. No one wants to hear that."  
"Happy? I wouldn't say Dark Passion Play is happy -"  
"No one was talking about DPP," Jukka interrupted the songwriter. "Just tell us."  
"If you have a girlfriend, that's amazing," Emppu added.  
And Tuomas smiled. "Okay. There's a girl I like ... I met her on the internet some weeks ago - but she's not my girlfriend yet."  
The band cheered.  
"Congrats, lad!" Marco slapped Tuomas' shoulder.  
"What's her name?" Anette squealed.  
"Tarja," Tuomas said gently and the singer squealed again.  
"Do you have a picture??" Emppu asked and Tuomas pulled out his phone, looking for the picture of Tarja's account.  
"Here," he said with red cheeks as he showed the picture around.

 

"Wow!"  
"Beautiful."  
"Very pretty."  
"Congrats, man."  
"It's not the best quality." Tuomas pulled his phone back. "And it's the only picture I have received so far. She's shy. But she likes metal and that's awesome."  
"How old is she?" Anette wanted to know.  
"She'll turn 32 this August," Tuomas replied. "She's just perfect for me ..."  
"Have you talked to each other yet?" Marco asked but Tuomas shook his head. "I will ask her tonight. And I'll ask her out."

Tarja smiled as he came online and immediately started writing to her. She had been staring at the screen for half an hour, waiting for him to text her as he always did as soon as he was at home.  
\- Hey! :) how are you?  
\- I'm fine, Tarja texted back. How was your day?  
\- Great. I told my band mates about you ...  
Tarja's heart almost stopped beating for a moment. Nice ... what did they say?  
\- Nothing bad. Have you got time for a call?  
\- A call? You mean talking?  
\- I want to hear your voice ... :)  
Tarja sighed. I have an ugly voice ...  
\- A beautiful woman like you can't have an ugly voice! Can I call you? :*  
\- Okay. If you insist, Tarja texted back and plugged her headset into her laptop, waiting for him to call.  
And he did.  
"Tarja? Can you hear me?"  
His voice was deep and gentle and Tarja's heart jumped. Just as she had imagined it to be.  
"Yes. Hello, Tuomas."  
On the other line, Tuomas had stopped breathing too. "Ugly voice? You're crazy."  
Tarja smiled. "I'm not very self confident."  
"I know," was Tuomas' reply. "I wish I could help you with that." He had no idea how a woman like her couldn't be self confident. "How was work?"  
"As always," Tarja answered. "Boring."  
"I imagine it to be cool. Editing magazine covers and stuff ..."  
"I mostly edit book covers and I'm not talking about books like Harry Potter," Tarja said and Tuomas held his breath. That was the longest thing she had said so far. He loved her voice and way of talking.  
"That's okay. You do it from your home, right?"  
Tarja hesitated. "Yes ..."  
"That's cool. Hey, I gotta go. I'm starving - promise me we can talk again tomorrow?"  
"Yes." Tarja smiled. "Promised.  
As they hung up, Tarja buried her face in her hands. If he'd like her the way she did?

Tuomas was very excited too. He had no idea where she lived, she had a strong accent which made him guess she was from North Karelia. But from where exactly?  
All day he looked at her picture, thinking back of the sweet voice he had heard.  
And in the evening he texted her again. Up for a call? Or are you busy?  
I always have time, was Tarja's immediate reply and Tuomas pressed the call button.  
"I missed you," he said as soon as she picked up and Tarja laughed.  
"You're a quick one."  
"Always," Tuomas said with a grin. "No! I mean - no. Not always."  
Tarja laughed again, a noise that made Tuomas' heart swell. He had made her laugh.  
"Hey, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure, go ahead." Tarja said, a little scared.  
"Where do you live?"  
"Do you want to visit me?" Tarja asked.  
"Well, I might do that one day ... I'm not a killer, I swear."  
"Yes. I mean - okay, I get you. But you can't visit me."  
"Why not?" Tuomas asked sadly. "Don't you like me?"  
"I like you a lot," Tarja whispered. "But sorry, you can't come here."  
"Don't worry, you haven't told me where you live anyway. I'm from Helsinki."  
"I thought so," Tarja said. "Your accent ..."  
"Yours sounds very eastern," Tuomas pointed out. "North Karelia?"  
"Maybe?" Tarja couldn't help but smile. "Why do you like me?"  
"Oh come on, you're sweet, you're funny, you're caring and you're so, so beautiful." Tuomas knew he could go on forever but all of a sudden Tarja's voice changed. It sounded sad.  
"You don't know me ..."  
"I know you well enough! Come on, Tarja, let's meet for a coffee ... black, as you like it."  
"No," Tarja decided. "I have to go now. Bye."  
And she hung up, leaving a confused Tuomas behind.

But they didn't break the contact, of course not. Tuomas would not give up and Tarja was secretly happy about it. She had learned to like that crazy keyboarder of that metal band called Nightwish.  
Their phone calls went on as well, and one day Tuomas said something crazy.  
They had just talked about movies they had in common, which were Lord of the rings and Star Wars.  
"We should watch a movie together," he suggested carefully.  
"We should," Tarja said, knowing all too well that they never would.  
"Then I'd take your hand into mine and caress it," Tuomas went on and closed his eyes.  
Tarja's heart thudded again her ribcage.  
"I would look deep into your eyes and tell you how beautiful you are," he said gently and Tarja felt tears well up in her eyes. "And then I would kiss you gently ..."  
He stopped as Tarja didn't answer. It hurt him to no end. "You don't have to kiss me back, Tarja. Tarja?"  
But Tarja was crying. She had put the headset away so he couldn't hear her.  
He would never kiss her. Never.

Tuomas didn't give up.  
Even though Tarja was ignoring his calls, he called her everyday, same time. Tarja felt horrible, everyday he tried and she just ignored him but she knew it was for the best.  
And one day he finally stopped calling her.

"That thing with Tarja and me is over," he sighed and let himself fall down on the couch next to Anette. He grabbed a handful of chips and stuffed it into his mouth. "Whatever it was," he said between crunching.  
Anette looked at him. "Let me get it straight - you only have one picture of her. She doesn't want to meet you."  
"Yes. And when I told her about a scenario I had made up, she ended the call. Now she's ignoring me."  
"Which scenario?"  
"In which I kissed her."  
Anette groaned.  
"Why? Seriously, Tuomas, why??"  
"Because I really would like to kiss her."  
"You haven't met her personally yet," Anette went on. "What if you won't like her smell? Or if she's not good in bed?"  
"I don't care, I need to meet her and find out." Tuomas sighed. "I wonder if she ... Maybe she's just scared that I am a raper."  
"Of course, that could be. Don't give up, Tuo, but I beg you not to say something like that to her again. It's creepy." Anette grinned and Tuomas chuckled.  
"Okay."

Tarja was editing the front cover of a book as the bing of her computer distracted her. Tuomas. Her heart started to beat fast.  
\- Hello, Tarja. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I've talked to Anette and she literally slapped me. I now realise it was creepy. The truth is, that I grew to like you a lot. Again, I'm sorry. I just miss you so much and wish I could make it up somehow. I promise you I will stop trying to meet you. Friends? :)  
Tarja had to smile. He was so cute. And she had missed him so madly as well.  
\- Hi, Tuomas. I have to apologise, I shouldn't have ignored you. I was just so confused by what you said, due to the fact we don't know each other very well. But you can make it up to me by never saying it again ... :S I'm not really looking for a relationship. I'm sorry. But I miss you too and yes, we're definitely friends :)  
Tuomas' heart stung at her reply. Friends ... now he knew what it felt to get friendzoned.  
Without thinking he pressed the call button. And to his relief, Tarja picked up.  
"Hi," she said gently.  
"Hi! Glad you picked up." Tuomas sat down on his bed.  
"Of course. We are friends, aren't we?"  
"Yes, we are."  
Silence for a while.  
"You said you talked to Anette about me?" Tarja asked. "She's in your band, right?"  
"Yes, she's our singer and kind of my best friend. That's why I told her about you, sorry."  
"No problem at all. And are you ... have you been seeing each other? Or something like that?" Tarja was glad that he couldn't see her face right now, which was deeply red. No, technically she was glad that he couldn't see her face at all.  
"Anette and me?? God, no. She's married and has a son. And they're already planning a second child, so ... no. She's my best female friend. Besides you."  
"How come I'm your best female friend?" Tarja smiled.  
"You know more about me than anyone else," Tuomas said gently and Tarja blushed even more.

For more weeks it went on like that. Tuomas kept his promise not to ask her for a meeting again, but one day in the end of July he came up with another idea.  
After talking to his crush for almost an hour, he carefully dropped the question.  
"Hey, Tarja? I know I promised I won't ask you for a meeting again and I promise you that I won't do that now. But I have another question - do you have Skype?"  
"I don't ... why?" Tarja knew why.  
"Well because I thought we could have a video chat ... I want to show you that I'm not a creep."  
"I know you're not a creep," Tarja said gently. "But no, I don't have a video chat option. I doubt my computer even has a camera."  
"Every modern computer has a camera. But it's okay. Just tell me the truth, don't you want to see me?"  
"That's not the reason, Tuomas. I - uh - have to go now. We've been talking for an hour ..."  
"We've been talking for three hours once." Tuomas smiled. "But okay. Let's call it a night."  
"Good night." Tarja hung up quickly, her heart racing. He didn't believe her.

"She doesn't want to see me," Tuomas said quietly. "I knew it. She doesn't want to meet me, she doesn't even want to see my face ... she doesn't like the way I look."  
"I don't think that she's that shallow," Anette said. "She does talk to you a lot, doesn't she?"  
Tuomas nodded.  
"Does she sometimes text you first or call you?" Jukka asked.  
"In the beginning no but now ... Yes. So you guys think that -"  
"I think ... I think that this is not her on her profile picture," Marco said.  
"What?" Tuomas was shocked. "You mean she doesn't look like on her picture?"  
"I have to agree," Anette said. "She has only showed you one picture so far, which is her profile picture. Do you even know her last name?"  
"Turunen," Tuomas answered abruptly. "Tarja Soile Susanna Turunen, that's her whole name."  
"Wow," Emppu said. "Great name. But I agree with the others - she's not the one she pretends to be."  
"You'll see," Tuomas said slowly. "I'll ask her for pictures tonight. Tomorrow I will show you some. She is the one she pretends to be."  
The band mates exchanged a look.


	2. Chapter 2

He called Tarja in the evening. As every evening. He was always punctual.  
"You busy?" was his daily greeting and Tarja always had to laugh.  
"Not at all. Been waiting for your call."  
And then they talked about their day, telling each other about things they've done or not done.  
And then Tuomas just had to ask.  
"Do you have more pictures of yourself besides the one you've set as your profile?"  
"Yes, of course." Tarja hesitated. "Why ...?"  
"Well, because I want to see more pictures of you. If you don't mind ..."  
"Why?" Tarja asked almost desperately.  
"You're a beautiful woman and I like your profile picture," Tuomas said gently.  
"I'd feel better if I didn't send you a picture of myself," Tarja said.  
And Tuomas sighed. "The guys were right. You're not the one you pretend to be."  
"The guys? What?!" Tarja shouted. "You told your friends?? What did they say??"  
"That the woman on your picture is not you," Tuomas said and Tarja gasped.  
"You - I - I am the woman on the picture! I'm just so ... I'm so scared that I'm different to what you imagine me to be ..."  
"Tarja! I don't care if you are that woman on the picture or not -"  
"I am!" Tarja almost screamed. "This is me! Three years ago, okay?? I don't want to talk anymore now, good bye!"  
And she hung up.  
And Tuomas stared at the screen.  
"What the hell -"  
He tried to call her. Many times.  
And after the tenth time he gave up. He went to bed and tried to sleep, failed madly though. He was so confused, why had Tarja just hung up after screaming at him that she was the woman of the picture?  
Around three in the morning he gave up on his sleep. He sat up, turned the light on and opened his laptop. He decided to apologise, he couldn't sleep knowing that Tarja was angry at him. He opened the messenger app from the computer and was surprised to see that Tarja had texted him too - around one in the morning!  
Tuomas ... I'm so sorry for shouting at you. I feel horrible. I totally understand that you want to see a picture of me. I'm really shy and exactly the opposite of self confident.  
... but here's a picture of me. It's a really old one, I was around 22. Or 23? I can't remember ... I had to look a while until I found it so don't delete it ... :-) good night. - Tarja.  
With shaking hands Tuomas clicked on the file that Tarja had sent. He held his breath as the file loaded ... and then he smiled as the file opened.

 

"Why are you so unsure about yourself..." he whispered and stroke his finger over the screen. "You are gorgeous..."  
With shaking hands be typed:  
Dearest Tarja.  
Your beauty left me speechless.  
I seriously wonder how I can make you feel good about yourself - if I even can. I want you to see yourself like I see you, the beautiful, wonderful woman you are. Don't feel bad for being mad at me, I haven't deserved it any different.  
Truth be told, I couldn't sleep. I didn't want you to be so angry at me. Now I will sleep well and I hope you did too. See you in the morning.  
\- Tuomas.

Tarja's heart swelled as she read the message in the morning. Tuomas was really something else.  
Good morning, she typed back. I'm so glad you're not angry at me. I'm not angry at you either, as I said, I get you want to see more of me. I don't have many pictures of myself but I'll try to find some, okay? ... But you have to send me some of you as well ;-)  
Have a nice day and I'm sorry I robbed your sleep.

Tarja had just pressed the send button as the doorbell rang. She looked at her calendar and jumped up - right! It was Friday.  
Her father brought her food twice a week, on Friday and on Tuesday. She opened the door and hugged her father.  
"Hey, girl." He kissed her cheek. "How are you?"  
"I'm great," Tarja replied with an honest smile. "Dad, I have a question - do you still have some old pictures of me?"  
Teuvo Turunen raised his eyebrow. "I do ... why?"  
"Because I met someone on the internet and I want to show him how I look."  
Teuvo looked at his daughter. "Who is he?"  
"Tuomas from Helsinki. And I've been texting with him for ... wow, for five months already."  
"So you're sending him those old pictures of you?" Teuvo asked. "Tarja?"  
"Dad!" Tarja called. "Do you think he would still like me if he knew how I look now?? No, I have to send him those old photographs."  
"I have an old wedding picture of you -" Teuvo started but Tarja shook her head.  
"No. Not those. Older. When I was around 20."  
Teuvo sighed but promised his daughter to send her some pictures.

Tuomas showed the picture to his band mates excitedly.   
"Don't you have one that's more up to date?" Anette complained.  
"She's not really sure of herself," Tuomas defended the woman but Anette didn't seemed convinced.  
"She is pretty indeed and I know you well enough to guess you've told her. So why would she be that shy not to send you pictures of herself? She just needs to put on a little make up - if even - and -"  
"Man, I didn't call you to rant about her," Tuomas interrupted the singer angrily and Anette shook her head quickly.  
"I didn't rant about her! I just wanted to help you!"  
"You can't help me here. It's hopeless ... she doesn't want to see me and I have to get over it." Tuomas let his head sink ... as he suddenly remembered something. "Nettie!" he called and Anette winced.  
"Yeah?"  
"Get the old photo albums!"

Tarja squealed as the little noise in her computer signalled her that she had gotten post. And as she opened the messenger, she was surprised that she had received at least ten pictures. Photos of Tuomas - from the year 1998 up to now.  
Tarja chuckled while scrolling through the shots. He had had a bad skin. Glasses. He had looked so nerdy. Around three years ago he had looked really hot.  
Tarja scrolled down and stopped at the latest picture.

 

This picture was taken today. Emppu took the photo, those two are Marco and Anette. And the other guy ... that's me :)  
I hoped you could send me a current photo of yourself too.

Tarja thought hard about which photo to send. She had already sorted out a few pictures which were okay to be sent to him, meaning pictures before the time she was married and had a daughter. And before the time when everything had changed.

This is the most current picture I have, she texted back and inserted the picture. I'm sorry but I'm not really a big fan of photos, I don't even have a camera. My phone does but it's a bad one. You look cute by the way ... :-)

Tuomas' heart was beating heavily as he opened the message. "Cute." He chuckled. He looked cute?  
With shaking hands he opened the file.

 

"Wow!"  
He breathed fast as he zoomed the picture, observing her eyes.  
She was gorgeous.

\- Your eyes are so fucking green ... I'm lost in them ..., he wrote and Tarja giggled.

\- Wanna have more?

The answer came fast.

\- Oh yes.

And Tarja sent all those pictures she had received from her father. Tuomas was speechless, she was simply stunning. A beautiful, gorgeous woman. Tuomas had already known he had fallen for her before but now ...

\- Can I call you? he asked, his hands shaking.

\- Of course, why are you even asking? :-D

\- Because I want to call you on your phone.

Tarja thought hard if she should give him her number but she decided to just do it. They had talked before and he wouldn't find out where she lived only because of her phone number. So she typed the numbers and pressed send.  
And not even a minute later her phone rang.  
She took a deep breath and picked up.  
"Yes, Turunen here."  
"Tarja." Tuomas breathed her name. "Hi."  
"Hi." Tarja smiled.   
"Tarja ... you are gorgeous... it's no joke, I got lost in your eyes."  
"Charmer," Tarja giggled. Her ears were burning. "Tell me about your day ..."  
And then they talked. They talked until one of them pointed out how late it was.  
"I don't want to stop," Tuomas yawned and Tarja agreed.  
"It's nice to talk to you."  
Tuomas hesitated. "It would be nicer to talk to you in person. We could stay up all night and talk."  
Tarja sighed quietly. "Tuomas ..."  
"I know," Tuomas said. His heart was breaking. "I know you don't like me the way I do. I get it. How could you? Good night."  
"No!" Tarja called but Tuomas had already hung up.  
And Tarja went to bed crying. Why did their talks always end with a fight? 

Both were in a bad mood the next day. Normally Tuomas went online in the morning to see if Tarja had texted him but this morning he didn't want to. He was sad, heartbroken and disappointed. He went straight to the studio, surprising everyone with his bad mood.  
"Did Tarja finally show her true face?" Anette said and Tuomas glared at her.  
"Yes, she sent me some pictures and yes, she is gorgeous."  
"Than why that long face?" Marco asked and stopped jamming. "Is she fat?"  
"You are an asshole," Tuomas replied coldly. "She is slim and beautiful ... but she still doesn't want to meet me."  
"Then drop her. She's not worth it, look for someone else," Emppu said.  
But Tuomas shook his head. "I don't want anyone else ..."

Tarja told everything to her father. She cried her eyes out, calling out more times than once that she wished for her mother to be still alive. And her husband. And her daughter. Or that she had died too. She didn't want to hurt Tuomas but she had to. She didn't only hurt him with her behaviour, she hurt herself too. And her father held her and caressed her back.  
"You need to tell him the whole truth."  
"He'll break the contact," Tarja sobbed.  
"If he really likes you, he won't."  
"But I'm scared that he's as superficial as all the others!" Tarja cried. "Everyone ... I can't even go shopping anymore. I'm so scared ..."  
"You don't have to. Just call him and tell him -"  
"No. I rather stay friends with him, friends who will never meet each other."  
Teuvo sighed. He knew that one day she'd tell him.

Tarja didn't text him. Didn't call him. And Tuomas also didn't do anything, she had to do the first step. Normally she always did.  
But not this time. It seemed their friendship was over.

... until a month later.  
It was August seventeenth - Tarja's birthday.  
Even though Tuomas was still sad about the fact Tarja didn't want to see him, he texted her anyway. The message was just enough to show her that he was still heartbroken.  
Hello Tarja,   
I wish you a great birthday. Hope you're spending it with your loved ones. I'd like to give you flowers but I know I'm not one of those loved ones.  
Tuomas.

The message felt like a knife in Tarja's heart. For a while she thought of texting him back. But she didn't know what.  
So she replied with a short Thank you and returned to her "birthday party": her father and two brothers.  
"Ready to receive your gift?" Toni, who had just arrived, asked.  
"Oh, you shouldn't have ..." Tarja started but her younger brother cut her off.  
"Yes we had to."  
"We don't want you do be alone," Toni added.  
"Close your eyes," Teuvo said with a wink and the woman did what her father said.  
"I'll get her!" Toni called and Tarja sighed.  
"Her??"  
Her brother and father laughed and led her to the soft chair in the living room.  
"Come in, she's ready!"  
"Can I open my eyes?" Tarja asked but her brothers negated.  
And then they placed something soft into her hands. Something living.  
Tarja shrieked and opened eyes - staring into the blue eyes of the cutest little kitten she had ever seen.  
"That's Lilja," Toni said. "And she's all yours."  
Tarja looked at her family, tears burning in her eyes.  
"Thank you," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Lilja was a crazy little cat. Tarja forgot her sorrow about Tuomas for a while, as she was busy with caring about her new best friend.  
But Tuomas didn't forget about her.  
Two weeks after her birthday he carefully texted her again.  
Hello, Tarja, I know we haven't talked in a while. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for cutting you off like that. I didn't even give you time to explain youself. I get that you don't want to meet me, but you could just tell me. I do believe we are friends. Hope you had a nice birthday celebration!  
\- Tuomas

"You should tell him," Toni told his older sister. He had come over to play with Lilja and had caught Tarja reading the message. And then he forced her to tell him about this mysterious Tuomas.  
"I'm not ready yet," Tarja said softly and her brother rolled his eyes.  
"You'll never be ready. Call him now."  
"Now??"  
Toni grinned. "I'll be quiet. But I want to hear him talk."  
"Why?"  
"I can tell you if he really likes you. I'm a man, Tarja."  
"I can't see you as a man, Toni. We've played in the sandbox together. Naked!"  
The siblings both laughed. And after the short travel back in time, Tarja sighed.  
"Okay. I'll call him." She put her phone on speakers and placed it on her knee. Lilja tried to jump on it but Tarja grabbed it quickly, making the baby cat dig its claws into Tarja's knee.  
"Ouch!!"  
"Tarja?" Tuomas on the other line said. "Are you okay?"  
Toni tried to hold back a laugh - Lilja was still trying to grab the phone.  
"Tuomas? I didn't notice you had already picked up. I'm okay, just having a hard time with my kitten."  
"You have a kitten?" Tarja could almost hear the smile in his voice.  
"Yes. Got her from my brothers as a birthday gift."  
"Do you have a picture?"  
"Sure - I'll send it via messenger!" Tarja replied.  
"Okay, do so. I'm in the studio right now but I'll check my computer at home."  
Tarja threw a look at her brother, who listen his thumbs up.  
"Tuomas ... can I disturb you for a second?"  
"Sure, I'm alone anyway. The recordings go forward very slowly and our mixer just went out for a cigarette."  
Tarja raised her eyebrow. "And you're inside? I thought you were smoking too ..."  
"I was," Tuomas replied. "I quit."  
Tarja felt another little pang in her chest. He had quit smoking and weeks ago she had told him how gross it was to kiss and be with a smoker.  
"Wow. That's so great, I'm proud of you ... Now listen, I should explain myself as you said. I don't want to meet you because of you. I don't want to meet you because of me."  
Silence. Tuomas first had to think of the sense of her words.  
"Why?" he then asked. "Why would you? You're goddamn gorgeous and you have a great personality - you're so cute and sweet ..."  
Tarja felt herself blush. She didn't want Tuomas to say such things while her brother was listening.  
"I won't bother you about a meeting, I swear. But I want to know why we can't. Are you in a wheel chair?"  
"No," Tarja replied. "But I'm handicapped in another way."  
Toni rolled his eyes.  
"How, do you have artificial limbs?"  
"Not like that," Tarja said  
"Okay. Hm. You had a surgery and they messed it up?" Tuomas went on.  
"Closer," Tarja sighed.  
"You had a surgery?"  
"Yes."  
"Cosmetic?" Tuomas crossed his fingers. Please say no ...  
"Yes."  
Fuck.  
"Why? Where?" Tuomas was sad.  
"Why is a long story and where ... guess."  
"Breasts?" Tuomas guessed and Tarja laughed.  
"What is it with you guys? No, I'm very happy about my chest size. Go on."  
"Face, then," Tuomas said.  
"Yes," Tarja said.  
"Your nose?"  
"No. I'd never look like Michael Jackson on purpose."  
"Tarja, just tell me. I'm out of ideas. Did they fuck up your lips?"  
"It wasn't a cosmetic surgery because of vanity," Tarja said. "It was necessary."  
"Okay then - fuck, Tero is done with his cigarette. I'll call you in the evening? Okay?"  
"Okay." Tarja smiled.  
"And send me a picture of your kitten!" he added before he hung up.  
And Tarja looked at her brother.  
"Tell him. Everything," he ordered. "He really likes you."  
"I don't know. I'm so scared," Tarja whispered.

Tuomas couldn't stop thinking about her. A cosmetic surgery? Not because of vanity but because it had been necessary? Strange.  
The only explanation he could think of was, that she had an illness which made her face look deformed. That was why she only sent pictures of herself which were older than three years ago. But an illness couldn't develop that fast - right? She must have had an accident - that was it. A horrible accident which robbed the beauty of her face.  
Tuomas opened his laptop as he came home and smiled. She had indeed sent him a photo of a cute kitten sleeping in her lap.

 

So that's Lilja ... isn't she a cutie? I swear she only looks innocent when she's sleeping :-)

\- She's so cute!, Tuomas texted back. Is that your hand...?

\- Well, yes. And my lap:-D

\- Nice :) I'd like to be that kitten right now ;)

\- Haha.

\- I've been thinking a lot, Tari. Did you have an accident?

\- Yes.

\- I'm so sorry ... I won't bother you again. Okay? You're such a good friend and I don't want to lose you.

\- It's okay. I trust you enough to tell you everything. But maybe we shouldn't do it like that.

\- Okay, I'll call you.

\- Wait!, Tarja typed quickly. I can't have a phone call now. Another time, okay?

\- Yes :) I don't want to disturb.

"You're not disturbing," Tarja whispered and wiped her tears away. She had her depressed moment again and didn't want him to witness it.

\- I live in Kitee.

Tuomas stared at those four words for an eternity.  
I live in Kitee. He knew where she lived!!  
"She lives in Kitee!" Tuomas called and jumped up, high-fiveing himself.

He planned everything through.  
He wanted her to feel as good as possible, so he bought her favourite wine. He bought crackers, cheese and grapes and packed their favourite movie - Lord of the rings.   
He had looked for her address in the telephone book and found out that she lived in Puhos, a little area ten minutes away from Kitee. And on Saturday in the afternoon he typed the address into his navigation system and started driving.  
Of course it wasn't a short drive but Tuomas didn't mind.  
He knew he'd soon see Tarja.  
He knew he'd soon be able to tell her what he felt for her - face to face. And speaking of face, he couldn't wait to see hers. He was sure she had exaggerated. She could only be beautiful.  
He drove faster, he was so excited to see her.

It was evening and Tarja had just washed Lilja, who was now glaring at her angrily.  
"Your own fault, you dumb thing. You jumped into that dirty puddle, not me."  
Lilja hissed at her and Tarja hissed back.  
"See? I can do that too."  
Lilja hissed again but suddenly their little fight got interrupted by the doorbell.  
"Who's that?" Tarja wondered loudly and walked to the door. "Dad maybe?"  
But then she opened the door and her heart stopped.  
It was Tuomas.  
"Tuo ..."  
"Tari ..."  
His eyes were wide and filled with hurt as he eyed her from head to toe. Tarja felt her heart break.  
After looking at her closely, he didn't look at her face anymore. "I shouldn't have come here without preparing," he pressed through his teeth and turned around to walk away.  
And Tarja closed the door quickly, letting her tears run free.

Tuomas didn't quite pay attention to the road. He couldn't believe that she hadn't told him. That she had simply tried to tell him it was a fucked up surgery.  
No. This hadn't been a failed surgery.  
He couldn't get this face out of his mind ... the right side looked normal and healthy but the left side ...  
The whole left side was scarred, pitted, furrowed. What had happened to that poor woman?

Halfway on his way he realised what he had done.  
He had made it worse through just running away. He tried to call her but she didn't pick up. So he drove home.

Tarja ignored all of his calls. All of his texts. She was as heartbroken as never before   
No - that wasn't true. As her husband had died, she had felt worse. But this followed right after.  
Tarja - I'm so, so sorry. I was such an asshole. Call me.  
Tari... forgive me ...  
Tari, my sweet Tari. I'm so sorry for just turning.  
Tarja, please don't ignore me.  
Dearest Tari, I need you. Call me ...  
Where are you, Tari? I miss you so ...  
Tarja stared at the messages with wet eyes.  
Pity. It only was pity and she didn't want that.  
So she continued ignoring him.

Tuomas looked through the pictures she had sent him again. What had happened to destroy her beautiful face like that? A horrible accident, that was for sure.  
But as he looked through the photos for a third time, he noticed something.  
Something very strange.

 

He had only paid attention to the shirt so far. But now he noticed something else.  
Her left hand.  
There was a ring.  
Tuomas zoomed and even though the quality was really bad, he was more than sure that this was a wedding ring.  
Tarja was ... or had been married.  
He fought hard with himself and finally decided to drive to Kitee again.  
Exactly a week later, after a week of getting ignored, he drove there again to visit the woman. This time he drove in the morning already, around lunch time he was at her house.  
His heart fluttered even more as he rang the doorbell.  
And as soon as Tarja opened the door, he held the pack of chocolate out to her.  
"Will you ever forgive me?"  
Tarja didn't look at him. "I thought you never wanted to see me again ..."  
"I thought the same," Tuomas said and seized the moment to looked at her naked arms - one if them was scarred too. The right one.  
He looked at her hands. No ring.  
"Can I come in? Please, I need to talk to you."  
"I don't know, I just wanted to start cooking."  
"I'll cook for you," Tuomas offered and Tarja blushed.  
"Yes ... okay ... come in."  
Tuomas smiled down at her as he passed her. She was really small.  
Tarja thought the same. He's so tall! And he smells so good ... damn. I shouldn't have told him where I live.  
"Is that Lilja? Oh my god, she's so cute!" He picked up the kitten.  
"Wow, you could pick her up, she usually hates men. She doesn't like my brothers ..."  
Tuomas didn't reply, he was busy with caressing the kitten's head.  
Tarja watched him, her heart only swelling. He was perfect ...

And then he cooked for her. Only spaghetti, it was easy and went fast, but Tarja was glad about it. She was sitting in the kitchen and watched him, telling him where he would find things.  
He didn't really look at her, not once.  
But she looked at him and realised how much she had fallen for him. She loved him, she loved him deeply.  
But would he ever love someone like her? Would he ever love a woman whose half face was dead tissue?  
Tarja felt the tears in her eyes all the time they were eating. It tasted amazing but she couldn't eat - what if he'd tell her he didn't want her to be around him anymore after that food? Like a last meal ...  
And then Tuomas asked her if they could talk.  
"Sure," Tarja whispered and led him to the couch.  
And that was when he looked at her. He looked deep into her eyes.  
Then he smiled and lifted his hand to caress the scars. Tarja shivered at the touch.  
"How did it happen?"


	4. Chapter 4

"There was a fire," Tarja said slowly and Tuomas took her hand.  
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I ran away."  
"I expected it. That was why I didn't want us to meet."  
"I get that now. But go on, why aren't you married anymore?"  
Tarja eyes widened. "How did you -"   
"The photos you sent me. You were wearing a ring on your left hand, I was simply guessing. You've been married?"  
"For two years. Jarkko ... he ... he died in this fire."  
Tuomas squeezed her hand. "Tari, I'm so sorry ..."  
"He died while trying to save Sanni. Our daughter."  
"You had a daughter?" Tuomas whispered.  
"She also died." Tarja talked like remotely controlled. "I lost everything I had in one night: my husband, my daughter, my house."  
"Tarja, if I knew ... I am so sorry."  
"It was my fault. I should have told you."  
Tuomas' eyes travelled down to her arm.  
"So all those scars were made by fire."  
"Yes. I saved half of my face from a flame that surprised me while I was escaping the burning house."  
"By putting your arm in front of it ..." That would explain the scars on her arm.  
"I should have put both my arms in front of my face but I had to save other things as well. I was carrying my laptop - now I hate myself for it. Or that I didn't try to help my husband saving our daughter ..."  
"What was it caused by?"  
Now Tarja looked at him. "Jarkko was a smoker."  
"Oh."  
Tuomas felt horrible and promised himself to never touch a cigarette again. Never again.  
"Yes. He somehow fell asleep and then he awoke because of the smoke, ran upstairs to wake me up and then we started our fight out of the burning house. It was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced. I remember the angst when Jarkko went through the flames to save Sanni ..."  
She closed her eyes.  
"And he never came back."  
"I'm so sorry," Tuomas whispered again. "Just because of one single cigarette ..."  
"I know."  
"How ... how old was Sanni?" Tuomas asked carefully.  
Tarja answered slowly, choking. "She was ... she was only four months ..."  
"Oh my god."  
No one said a word for minutes. Tuomas felt horrible. That poor woman had gone through so much ...  
"The house was destroyed," Tarja suddenly went on, "and all that was left was that stupid laptop, which I sold immediately."  
"Tarja, I'm-"  
"Stop saying you're sorry, it was not your fault." Tarja smiled at the man gently. "You actually helped me a lot. I was quite depressed."  
"When did it happen...?" Tuomas wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to his body. As she moulded into his embrace, he took a moment to smell her hair. Vanilla ... or coconut? Something exotic. He closed his eyes.  
"Two years ago now. Sanni would be two now ..."  
He stroke her back.  
"The house I'm living in now, this house," Tarja continued, "it's the house I've been growing up. My father gave it to me and moved to a flat in Kitee."  
"Wow ... that's ..."  
"I didn't want him to do that but he forced me to. And actually I was quite relieved. I don't have to pay anything, since it's already paid off. My father brings me food twice a week ..."  
"Don't you go out at all?" Tuomas asked.  
"Of course. I go out a lot, I work in the garden myself. I go for walks, go fishing, go to the sauna ... all alone of course."  
"That must be horrible. So alone ... Finnish but still depressing."  
"I'm not alone," Tarja said smiling. "I have my father, my brothers and Lilja."  
"And me," Tuomas added and stopped stroking her as she looked up to him.  
"And you ..."  
Tuomas placed his hand on her scarred face again, trailing the knobs with his fingertips.  
"You said something about a failed surgery."  
"Well, yes. I had a surgery, kind of a skin transplantation. On my face only. After they fucked it up, they decided not to touch the rest of my body."  
"It doesn't look that bad," Tuomas said gently and Tarja laughed quietly.  
"Still bad enough to make you run away ..."  
"I hadn't expected it. I'm sorry for running away." He stroke her hair behind her left ear, noticing that also the ear looked wizened. Tarja closed her eyes again and smiled at his touch. And Tuomas seized the moment to observe her again. The scars indeed went down her throat and vanished in the collar of her shirt. His heart ached. She had been such a beautiful, gorgeous woman ... And one single cigarette had destroyed it all.

Tarja couldn't believe that he was here. That he was holding her. She had her eyes closed and enjoyed his gentle caresses. She knew he was looking at her closely but she didn't mind.  
He was so different than all the others ...

They spent the whole afternoon with each other, playing a board game and just talking. Around five Tuomas announced he'd go home - driving back would last almost as much time as he had spent with her now.  
"Will we see each other again?" Tarja asked carefully. If he didn't want to, she'd respect it.  
But Tuomas smiled. "Today in a week?"  
"Yes. Same time?" Tarja's heart jumped.  
"Yes. I'll bring food." He winked and Tarja smiled.  
"Great."  
Then they stood there and looked at each other. If Tuomas would kiss her? Tarja wondered. If she would even want it?  
Should he kiss her? Tuomas wondered. And if she'd even like it?  
He wasn't sure of it, so he decided to simply hug her. After a few seconds he let go.  
"Call me when you're home," Tarja said gently and Tuomas grinned.  
"As soon as I enter my house I will."  
"Awesome. Have a safe trip."  
Tuomas touched an imaginary hat. "See you soon, my beauty."  
Tarja turned around and returned to her house, her heart racing as fast as never before.

Tuomas kept his promise. As soon as he stepped over the threshold of his house, he pulled his phone and called her. And it seemed that Tarja had waited for his call - she immediately picked up.  
They talked until midnight. Tuomas was glad that she had opened up to him, she was so different now. Still the same, of course, but she didn't try to hide herself or her past anymore. She told him about Sanni, that she had been born in May and that she had been a premature baby. And that, after her death, she had promised herself not to have a baby again.  
"It wasn't hard, as I thought that no one would ever touch me again," she had added, whereon Tuomas had smiled.  
"You underestimate yourself. Remember, beauty is found within."  
"You're the only person I know who thinks like that," Tarja had whispered and closed her eyes. "I like you a lot, Tuo."  
And Tuomas had leaned back. "I wish you were here now ..."  
"Soon," Tarja had giggled. "Soon I'll be with you again. But for now I'll go to bed."  
"Me too." Tuomas yawned. "Sleep tight, my beauty."

Tuomas told his band mates that he had visited her - about the first visit he hadn't lost a word.  
His friends congratulated him, as his face turned really red.  
"She really is the person on the pictures she sent me and she's a cutie. She's so sweet and beautiful and I'll see her again this Saturday."  
"Have you kissed already?" Anette asked but Tuomas shook his head.  
"I'm planning a date for Saturday and I'm planning to kiss her. God, I'm so nervous. She's so wonderful ..."  
He of course wondered if he should tell the guys about her sad past - and part after part he did.  
"She's a widow," he told them on Tuesday.  
"What?" Anette placed her hand over her heart. "Oh my god ..."  
"What happened?"  
"Her husband died in a fire two years ago," Tuomas said and then the guys let him alone.  
On Wednesday he continued the story.  
"Her baby died in the same fire as her husband."  
"That is so sad!" Anette had tears in her eyes.  
"That's hard, man," Emppu put his hands into his pockets, staring at the floor.  
"Her whole house burnt down," was the storyline of Thursday. "She's living in her father's house now."  
"She has had a hard time," Marco said. "She can be glad that she has you now."  
But on Friday, Anette continued the talk during their break.  
"You said her whole house burnt down and her husband and baby died - what about her? Did she get injured?"  
Tuomas nodded. "Pretty bad. I haven't asked her but the burning scars on her face look like weeks of intensive care unit to me."  
"Poor her ... Maybe that's why she didn't want you to meet?"  
"Yes, it is." Tuomas shook his head as Marco offered him a cigarette. "Her house burn down because of one single cigarette, Marco."  
Silence.  
Then Marco let his cigarette fall and stepped on it.  
"Now I know why you quit."

On Saturday Tarja was as nervous as never before. She had cancelled the meeting with her brothers and father, telling them she had a date. Especially Toni seemed happy, he was the only one who had heard Tuomas over the phone so far and decided that the man was good for his sister.  
Tarja placed a plate with food in front of Lilja and caressed the kitten's head. "He'll be there soon ... mommy will hopefully soon have a new boyfriend."  
Lilja couldn't care less. In silence she ate while Tarja watched the animal. Sanni would have loved her ...  
Tarja thought about the baby a lot. Four months. Four months were nothing, Sanni hadn't even seen anything of this world yet.   
Tarja felt her eyes burn, as always when thinking about her late family.  
But this time the tears didn't have time to flow, just in that moment she heard the sound of her doorbell.  
Tarja jumped up and ran to the door, ripping it open.  
Tuomas smiled at her.  
"Hey, beauty, are you ready?" He hugged her tight.  
"Ready for?" Tarja asked.   
"I'll take you out for lunch!" Tuomas announced and laughed as Tarja shook her head determined and quickly.  
"No. Oh no, no, no! I'm not going anywhere!"  
"Calm down, it's just a picnic," Tuomas chuckled and took her hand. "You look perfect."  
Tarja blushed. She had decided to wear a simple dark green dress, a casual yet nice one. It had no cut out and long sleeves. Tarja rarely wore sleeveless dresses or shirts, due to her injuries. And it reached until just below her knees.  
And she was wearing make up, as she usually never did. Not after the accident.  
"Let's go?"  
"Yes, let me just grab my purse!"

Tuomas was nervous but he tried hard to hide it. He turned up the volume of the Nightwish CD in his car and sang along with Anette loudly - failing madly though. He wasn't a good singer after all. Tarja pressed her hands on her ears, laughing.  
"Stop! Please! I want to listen to the song!"  
They drove out of Kitee, until they found a fitting meadow. In the shadow of a big tree they spread the blanket and Tuomas started preparing all the goodies he had brought.  
"I didn't know if you preferred pepper spread or salmon or herbs. So I brought all three."  
Tarja smiled. "I like all three."  
"Me too," Tuomas admitted and took her hand. "And ... I brought my favourite red wine."  
"Oh, Tuo ..."  
He pulled the bottle out of his backpack and filled some of the red liquid into two plastic cups. "Next time more fancy," he promised as he lifted his cup. "Cheers, Tari."  
"Cheers," Tarja laughed as they clinked their cups.

An hour later they were stuffed and happy.  
Tuomas had leaned himself against the big juniper tree.  
He was holding his new found love, thinking of how to kiss her. She had her eyes closed and he wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not ...  
Carefully he moved a bit, making her look at him.  
"Wanna get up?" she asked with the cutest expression in her face. His heart jumped.  
"Just a bit so I can do something," he said and Tarja sat up. But as soon as Tuomas was sitting, he pulled her into his arms again and kissed her.


	5. Chapter 5

Tarja couldn't believe what he was doing. He was kissing her, kissing! Happily, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. She could feel his hands roam over her back and travel lower. Her heart was racing like crazy, she had never thought she'd do this again.  
A happy feeling bubbled up in her stomach as his hands came to rest on her butt cheeks, just for a while, before they travelled up again.  
And then, after a wonderful eternity, Tarja pulled back slowly.  
"Thank you," she said and Tuomas grinned.  
"What for?"  
"For ... just being here. And being you."  
"Tarja, you underestimate youself. You're still the same as before, I don't know why you think you aren't."  
"Have you looked at me?" Tarja asked sadly and Tuomas smiled again.  
"Well, yes. I love what I see."  
Tarja heart stopped beating for a moment. Love?  
She answered him by pressing her lips on his again.  
Shortly, lightly, sweetly ... then she pulled away. "What do you want to do now?"

They drove back to Puhos, back to Tarja's house. Lilja greeted them with her cute babylike meow and Tuomas lifted her up immediately.  
"Did mommy leave you alone, sweetie? No worries, daddy is here now ..."  
Tarja smiled lightly. And then Lilja buried her claws into Tuomas' flesh. "Ouch!"  
Tarja laughed. "She knows that scratching hurts us more than biting."  
"Yeah, those cute little teeth don't hurt much yet," Tuomas said in a sour tone and rubbed his bleeding finger. "Uh, do you have a plaster?"  
"Sure! Wait here." Tarja hurried to the kitchen to get a plaster for her bleeding boyfriend. Was he even her boyfriend? Tarja was too shy to ask. She decided to just let it be, if it happened, it happened.  
She returned with the plaster, putting it on Tuomas' finger. Then she stood on her tiptoes to steal a small kiss from the man.  
And Tuomas wrapped his arms around her, kissing her again. Properly.  
They didn't stop kissing, until Lilja jumped against Tarja's leg and started crawling up her jeans.  
Tarja pulled away, shrieking.  
"Seems she's jealous," she chuckled as she picked the kitten from her leg.  
"Seems so," Tuomas commented and stepped from one foot to the other. "Should we watch a movie?"  
"Yeah, why not? Which one?"  
"Do you have Lord of the rings?"  
Tarja laughed as she noticed Tuomas' reddened cheeks.  
"I do. Let's watch it."  
"The whole trilogy?" Tuomas asked, his eyes wide.  
"Well, I don't have other plans," Tarja said and Tuomas stared at her.  
"You ... are ... an amazing woman. My last girlfriend wanted to stop after one movie."  
"I'm not like others, as you see," Tarja said and Tuomas grabbed her hand.  
"You are perfect. Really."  
"Oh come on. The movie is over there, maybe you could put it in? I'll prepare some chips. Or do you prefer popcorn?"  
"What about making both and mixing them together?" Tuomas suggested and Tarja laughed.  
"Believe it or not, I always do that. Okay, I'll be back soon!"  
And while Tarja was preparing popcorn and chips, Tuomas looked through her collection of movies and CDs. She had a wonderful collection, from Disney over to vampire, romance, humour, thriller and horror. She had many, many horror movies.  
And about her CD collection ... wow. He mostly found rock and metal but also some classical albums were there. Much classic rock, eighties and nineties.  
And while he was admiring the beauty of her huge collection, Tarja wrapped her arms around him from behind.  
"And here ..." she said and travelled her finger along the backsides of the covers, stopping at an all too known album for Tuomas.  
"Dark Passion Play!"  
"Yes. Why is it so dark?"  
Tuomas turned around, a sad expression on his face. "My girlfriend left me for another man. And I was heartbroken ..."  
"That's audible." Tarja caressed his face. "She didn't deserve you."  
"And I don't deserve you," Tuomas said. He meant it, she was too good for him.  
But Tarja waved it off. "Humbug. Now let's start watching!"

They watched the whole trilogy - as promised. Around half past ten it was over and Tuomas yawned. "Okay, I should probably look for a hotel," he said.  
"Why?" Tarja asked, not standing up. She was leaning on his chest.  
"Well, because I won't drive home now," he chuckled and caressed the woman's hair.  
"No, I meant - why looking for a hotel? This is a big house ..."  
"You mean I can stay here?" Tuomas' heart jumped.  
"Of course!" Tarja called. "I'll prepare a room for you. Toni's old room seems just right."  
"Okay. I gladly accept the offer." He smiled at her and Tarja stood up.  
"How long do you sleep usually?"  
"On Sundays - long. Until ten or eleven."  
"Me too!" Tarja laughed. "Sunday is the only day I actually sleep long."  
"Tell me more we have in common." Tuomas grinned. "Movies, music, mixing chips and popcorn ..."  
"It's almost cheesy." Tarja grinned.  
They looked at each other, both of them thinking the same. But none of them dared to ask.

That night Tarja couldn't sleep. She was so excited that Tuomas was in the next room, the one who hadn't given up meeting her. The one who had been there for her for months, even though he had no idea how she even looked like. The one who kissed her and called her beautiful ...  
If he really thought so?  
Tarja stood up and slipped into her robe. She needed to know - now!  
On tiptoes she went to the other room and opened carefully.  
"Tuomas? Are you sleeping already?"  
"Nope," it came back and Tarja snuck into the room, closing it behind her.  
"Can I come in?"  
"You already are inside," Tuomas chuckled and watched the dark figure come closer.  
Without a word she sat down on the bed and grabbed his shoulders, pulled him close and kissed him. Her hands travelled down his chest, feeling his naked skin and chest hair.  
"Sorry," she whispered after a while. Tuomas hadn't reacted much than kissing her back. "It's just been a very long time."  
"For me too," Tuomas replied. "But I don't want it like that. Even though I'd like to do it very much right now ... it feels too rushed."  
"You're right. It's for the better, maybe." Tarja moved back, thinking of the scars all over her upper body. Where the heat had burnt her clothes into her skin ...  
"Hey," Tuomas said gently, starting to caress her cheek. "What's wrong?"  
He could see her eyes were full of tears. It was dark but the moon from outside was reflected in her watery eyes.  
"Well... My face is not the only thing that's scarred."  
"So what? I already showed you I like you anyway, right?" Tuomas pulled her closer again and kissed her lips. I don't mind how you look. I didn't fall for your looks only."  
Tarja sighed and cuddled herself into his arms. "Let's say this thing with us is going to work..."  
"It will work," Tuomas promised.  
"If it works - What will you do if someone wants to meet me? Your friends, family? What if you need to introduce me to someone - your fans for example?"  
"I see no problem with that," Tuomas replied but Tarja sighed again.  
"But I do. I don't want to meet your fans, never. Or be seen by your fans. You'll be so ashamed ..." she burst into tears.  
"Never!" Tuomas shouted but Tarja wouldn't stop crying.  
With a sigh he rocked her in his arms like a baby. He didn't know that much about her but one thing he knew for sure: she needed help.  
She was so deep in a depression, she couldn't find her way out alone anymore.

Tarja woke up as the sun shone into her face.  
At first she was confused - where was she? Then she realised that she was in her brother's old room. Because she and Tuomas had spent the night together there.  
Next thing - where was Tuomas? He wouldn't just leave without waking her ... Or would he? Maybe he had realised that all those things he had said to her weren't true, he whether liked her nor found her beautiful.  
Panic rose in her chest and a feeling that resembled suffocation threatened to choke her.  
Until she heard something from downstairs.  
Someone was doing the dishes? What? Was her father here?  
Tarja jumped up and ran out of the room, her heart racing.  
"Dad?" she called.  
But back came a, "It's Tuomas! How do you like your eggs?"  
"Scrambled!" Tarja called back and jumped a little. He hadn't left!  
"I'll come upstairs, stay!" Tuomas answered and Tarja returned to her bedroom, changing into comfortable pants and a Sonata Arctica shirt. Then she waited, patiently, putting on some morning metal. And after a few minutes Tuomas came in, carrying two plates filled with stuff: scrambled eggs, cucumbers, tomatoes, bread, butter and cheese.  
"I couldn't find a tray," he apologised and Tarja laughed.  
"I don't have a tray. Jarkko never made me breakfast in bed."  
"What a shame. I always do. You should get one." Tuomas smiled at her and leaned down for a kiss. "Good morning."  
"Morning," Tarja said softly and Tuomas grinned down at her.  
"What are we going to do today?"  
"Mh... I don't know, when do you need to return home?" Tarja blushed.  
"I don't need to go home at all. If I won't go to the studio tomorrow, I just won't go. The guys won't mind a free day."  
"Being in a band sounds lovely," Tarja sighed.  
"Oh god, it's a horror. Touring is the worst - weeks without a normal bed, normal food, a normal toilet. Burping and farting guys all the time."  
"Okay, sounds horrible." Tarja laughed. "But back to your question, we could take a walk ... or just stay here and chat?"  
"I like going out for a walk. You could show me Kitee."  
"Uhuh." Tarja smiled and tasted the scrambled eggs. "Mh! They're good! What did you put inside?"  
"That's a secret," Tuomas noted with a grin and Tarja's eyes grew wide.  
"Oh ..." She eyed the dish and Tuomas burst into laughter.  
"It's salt and pepper and the secret ingredient is pizza cheese."  
"You scared me, for a moment I thought it was - you know - something else," Tarja said dryly.  
"I noticed." Tuomas wiggled his brows. "Maybe another time."  
They looked at each other and laughed again.  
"We have the same kind of dirty humour," Tarja said after laughing.  
"And the same interests," Tuomas added.  
"And we're doing the same kind of stuff - like mixing popcorn and chips."  
"We shouldn't rush it," Tuomas started carefully, "but I like you a lot. And I'd like to introduce you to my family and friends."  
"I know you like me. You've showed me ... but I don't think this is a good idea." Tarja looked at her hands. "I still can't live with my destiny."  
"But I can! And I can help you getting over it!" Tuomas took her hand. "And my parents will love you. And my sister, you'll be her best friend! Tari..."  
"Let's see," Tarja said softly and concentrated on her eggs again.

They took a walk around the town, just as Tarja had told him. They held hands and stopped at several spots to talk, like Tarja's former school. The bakery. The town's bar. The park.  
In the park they took a seat on a bench and Tarja leaned her head against his arm.  
Nobody said a word.  
There was no need to.  
They watched the birds chasing each other, watched two rabbits playing with each other. There was one time when Tuomas leaned down to kiss her and they ended up in a really long and passionate kiss.  
Tarja was on cloud nine. He really seemed to love her. But would he become happy with her? She could never go out with him, show herself by his side, she would always have to hide.  
Tarja tried not to think of the future - for now everything was fine.


	6. Chapter 6

Time went by and Tarja and Tuomas grew closer. He visited her every weekend and fell more and more in love with her, the more he found out about her. One day he woke up because Tarja was singing in the shower - and he was simply mesmerised by her voice. He waited in front of the bathroom door, not wanting to disturb her. And when she came out, clad in a towel only, he swept her into his arms and kissed her.  
"Why did you never tell me what a wonderful voice you have?" he whispered against her temple before he kissed it gently.  
"Because I'm shy," Tarja mumbled and closed her eyes. She trusted him, didn't care that she was almost naked. She gasped as he lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom, placed her on the bed.  
"Please," he begged, "I want to know more about you. I ... I want to see you ..." His eyes travelled down her body and she nodded, allowing him to open the towel.  
She shivered at his touch, his gentle hands that caressed the scars on her chest.  
Travelled down her arms.  
"I love you, Tarja," he said, "no matter how you look, okay? I love you."  
And she nodded, giving him one last permission to undress her.  
He opened the towel slowly, taking in every single of her scar. They were on her whole upper body, all over her chest, between her breasts, scarred, red tissue that went down to her navel. Then they stopped.  
She looked beautiful to him.  
Her legs were healthy, they looked smooth and soft. He placed his hands on her thighs, travelled up and caressed her hips. "You are beautiful," he said gently and she blushed. He sunk his face and kissed a scarred spot over her navel. "I will never stop loving you." He travelled his kisses upwards, leaving a trail between her breasts and on her collarbone. "My beautiful Tarja..." His hand vanished between her thighs and Tarja gasped.   
"Tuomas -"  
"Do you want me as much as I want you?" he whispered into her healthy ear and Tarja nodded.  
"Yes," she breathed and gasped again, as he slid his fingers into her. "Yes! Gosh, I want you ..."  
She closed her eyes while he kissed her throat, the healthy part of it that still felt touches, enjoying his fingers do magic on her. It had been years indeed. She had still been pregnant when Jarkko and her had shared their last time. She hadn't been ready to sleep with him even four months after their daughter was born. Eight months pregnant. Their last time, an orgasm that had caused labour pains. Jarkko had brought her to the hospital and five hours later Sanni had been there, premature but healthy. Tarja hadn't felt beautiful enough to sleep with her husband after the birth but after the accident she had never felt beautiful anymore.  
Until now. Until Tuomas called her beautiful over and over again.  
Until he had kissed every part of her injured skin, not caring about the knobs and scars and that she would never look normal again.  
"I love you," he whispered into her ear as she breathed his name, close to losing her mind. She was so close, only his fingers brought her so close after two and a half years of not being intimate with anyone - not even with herself.  
"Let go," Tuomas whispered, pulling back to watch her. She was so beautiful, she was so gorgeous.  
And she did, she let herself go, totally forgetting her name while the waves crashed over her and she gasped and screamed. And then she grabbed his boxers blindly, pulled it down. "Take me!" she moaned. "Please ... I need you, Tuomas ..."  
Tuomas obliged, too aroused to decline her offer. He parted her legs and got down, pushing himself into her without a warning. She screamed as he stretched her, it hurt but in a good way. She hugged him, pulled him against him, wrapped her legs around him. "Tuomas," she breathed and moved her hips desperately to meet him. He thrust against her, enjoying the screams he caused. And when she came again, her orgasm lasted longer than before.  
She didn't know what to do while the spasms went through her, so she simply grabbed her boyfriend and dug her nails into his flesh. Tuomas moaned and collapsed on his partner, the feeling of her nails digging into his skin and her walls tight around him was too much for him. He moaned out her name, releasing himself like he hadn't done it ever before. He had never loved, adored and trusted anyone like her.

Minutes later they laid in each other's arms.  
Tuomas caressed his girlfriend's head, staring at the ceiling.  
"Well, that was spontaneous," Tarja chuckled after some time of silence.  
"I love spontaneous," Tuomas mumbled and kissed the top of her head. "Almost as much as I love you."  
Tarja smiled. "I didn't expect it. I thought I needed to prepare but this was ... fantastic. I don't ever need to prepare again."  
"Good," Tuomas replied and pulled her a bit closer. "Come to Helsinki with me."  
"What?" Tarja said.  
"Today I will drive back home and I want you to come with me. Just take your laptop along, you can work from my apartment. I'll bring you back on Friday. Your brother can take care of Lilja."  
"I don't know ..."  
"I want you to meet my parents and my band," Tuomas continued. "I want to introduce you as my girlfriend."  
"Tuomas, that's not a good idea."  
"Aren't you my girlfriend?" Tuomas asked bluntly.  
"Of course I am," Tarja replied. "And I really want you to introduce you to my family too but ... Your band?"  
"They're my best friends."  
"But I'm so ugly," Tarja whispered. "They won't accept me ..."  
Tuomas sighed. "Tarja ... oh, Tarja. Hey, be nice and give me my phone over there, okay?"  
"What are you going to do?" Tarja asked as she grabbed Tuomas' phone from the nightstand. But he just smiled as he typed something into the small computer - and then he gave his phone to her.  
"Here. These are people who couldn't escape burning buildings like you."  
He had googled combustion victims just for her. And the pictures she saw hurt her like nothing before.  
Yes, she had been lucky.  
Those people lived but they didn't look like human beings anymore. A young boy without a face. A woman with a melted arm. Deformed bodies ... whose owners were still alive.  
She suddenly was lucky to be alive and still look like a woman. A woman with scars on her body but with a man on her side who loved her.  
"You aren't ugly," Tuomas said. "You've had a horrible accident and everyone will understand you. You've always been beautiful, Tari, on the outside and your inside. You've always been, you are and you will forever be beautiful. Especially to me, Tarja. Because I love you."  
Tarja smiled. "I love you too, Tuomas." She wrapped her arms around him again.  
"So - will you join me? Come to Helsinki with me? Let me introduce you as my girlfriend?"  
Tarja smiled broadly as she nodded.

Of course Tuomas had prepared his parents.  
He had told them about Tarja's destiny, about that she had been married and had had a child, about that both her daughter and her husband had died in a fire and that she had survived with scars all over her face. Two months of intensive care unit. That she hadn't left her house for a year.  
"If you love her, we will too," Kirsti Holopainen had said and placed her hand on her son's shoulder.  
"You will, mother. She is lovely," Tuomas had said and his voice had almost burst with love.  
Now, a week later, Kirsti was excited to meet the woman who had changed her son so much. For the better. She had cooked and cleaned the whole house, she had even plucked some flowers from the garden to put them on the table. And then it was time. The door opened and her son called "Mother? We are here!"

Tarja was super nervous. She didn't know how much Tuomas had told his parents about her. Did they know that she was a widow? Did they know that she had a baby already? She was shaking but then a blonde woman stood in front of her, smiling at her widely. "Tarja!" she called. "Welcome. Tuomas didn't overreact, you are indeed stunningly beautiful."  
Tarja blushed. "Hi, Mrs Holopainen ..."  
The blonde Finn laughed. "Oh, call me Kirsti, dear. Pentti? They're here!"  
Tuomas' father looked like him, just older. Tarja immediately felt nothing but acceptance from them and for the first time since her accident she felt glad that she had opened herself to someone.

"My home, your home," Tuomas said as him and Tarja walked into his apartment. "No, really. Feel like home. You can look through everything, use everything, you can pretend as if you're already living here."  
Tarja smiled a bit. "But you will be here tonight ... right?"  
"Sure. But I got to leave early tomorrow. And on Thursday we have a concert in Tampere ..."  
"Oh," Tarja said and Tuomas cupped her cheeks. "But first I will make love to you ... The whole night, if you want me to. We need to catch up on a lot. Two years of celibacy. Right?"  
Tarja grinned. "The whole night sounds good ... Let's start now and order a pizza somewhen in between?"  
Tuomas chuckled. "Oh, how I love you, you perfect woman ..."  
And then he lifted her up and carried her into his bedroom, doing what he had promised her to do.

The next day Tuomas left early. He was extra quiet so he wouldn't wake her but he left her a cute little note on his pillow.

As Tarja woke up, she felt sad that he hadn't woken her, but the note he had left made her smile.  
Tari - thanks for the last night. I've never felt so close to anyone. If you need me, I'm available on my phone. Or just come by at the studio, my band mates want to meet you :) I left the key for the apartment on the table. I have my own, this one is yours. I'll be back at five. I miss you already, my love. Tuomas.  
First she prepared herself some breakfast. He was quite well organised for a man, probably because he had been living alone for so long. While she ate, she connected her phone to the radio and turned on System Of A Down loudly. She headbanged a little, stuffing the keys of his apartment into her bag.   
She almost didn't hear the bangs against the door, she only heard them because Toxicity stopped. Quickly she disconnected her phone.  
There were bangs against the door - and screams.  
"Tuomaaaas!"  
Tarja rushed to the door, putting the key into the lock. But then she froze.  
"Tuomas! Open me!"  
Anette? Tarja wondered and peeked through the peephole.  
The woman wasn't Anette, she wasn't dark haired. She was blonde and very beautiful.  
"Tuomas!" she called again. "It's me, Laura! Open!"  
Laura.  
Had Tuomas ever mentioned a Laura?  
Tarja was shaking. Who was she? A neighbour, who was only annoyed by the loud music she had been playing? Or just a friend? Or ... His girlfriend?  
His real girlfriend, whom he met during the week?  
No. She couldn't be his girlfriend. But ... Why had he never mentioned her?  
Because you would have a reason to be jealous, a mean little voice in her head whispered.  
All of a sudden she wanted back to Kitee. She regretted coming here, she regretted staying here. As soon as the woman was gone, Tarja would leave too.  
And she did.  
Laura left and Tarja packed her stuff, grabbed the keys, got out and locked the door. She would send the keys to him as soon as she was at home.  
What now?  
Tarja felt tears burning in her eyes. She could either take a bus or a train.  
She chose a train, there was one which went directly to Kitee, she wouldn't have to change a single time.  
To her luck the train station wasn't far away from the apartment, just five minutes by foot.  
She bought a ticket and waited for the train, her face directed to the ground. No one should see her.  
She was deep in thoughts. Had she really thought that Tuomas loved her? Of course he only felt sorry for her, he didn't want to lose her as a friend. Of course, in reality, he only hung out with blonde beauties like Laura. Tarja was good in bed, that why he had brought her here. Maybe Laura didn't give him what he needed ...  
The train arrived and Tarja got inside.  
And as the train rolled out of the station, she finally let her tears flow.


	7. Chapter 7

When Tuomas came home, Tarja was gone. Of course. He sat down for a while, wondering where she could be. He waited a bit, almost for an hour, but she didn't return.  
He texted her.  
Hi, Tari... wondering where you are. Call me. Love you.  
She didn't call him, so he called her. She didn't pick up.  
Tuomas got nervous and cancelled the dinner invitation from Anette. She had invited him, Tarja and the band. Everyone wanted to meet his girlfriend, exactly that girlfriend, who had vanished. He told Anette that Tarja didn't feel well. Then he texted her again.  
I'm worried. Love, where are you?  
He waited. What if someone had kidnapped her?  
He almost had to smile as the doorbell rang, it had to be Tarja. He rushed to the door and ripped it open.  
"Finall-" he started but shut up quickly. It wasn't Tarja. It was Laura.  
Laura Aleksia Saarinen - his neighbour, hardcore fan and stalker.  
"What are you doing here?" he asked in an unfriendly way, he knew Laura wouldn't care.  
"I missed you. You were gone for the whole weekend - again. Where were you?"  
"I told you, Laura. I have a girlfriend."  
"And I told you, Tuomas - I don't believe you!" Laura entered his flat, ignoring the keyboarder's protests. "Where is she?"  
"She was here but I think she drove home," Tuomas replied. "Have you seen her?"  
"Haven't seen anyone," Laura answered and turned to him. "I'm hungry, do you have some food at home?"  
"Laura, get out of here," Tuomas grabbed her arm, trying to pull her out of his anteroom. "I swear, if Tarja comes back and sees you -"  
"Tarja," Laura replied. "How original. Couldn't you come up with a better name?"  
"Tarja - is - she is my girlfriend and I love her!" Tuomas was almost shocked, he knew that Laura was persistent but this was new. "I swear, I'll call the police. I just need to tell them that you are stalking me and you will never see me again."  
"I'm not stalking you!" Laura called and ripped her arm out of his grip. "I'm just checking on you." She smiled at him. "I want the best for you. I love you."  
"Then find Tarja for me." He dragged her out of his apartment. "I regret opening the door without looking through the spy. I thought you were Tarja."  
"Yeah, sure. I know you just wanted to see me." Laura smiled at him again and allowed her opposite to push her out of his home. But when he crashed the door close in front of her nose, the blonde woman frowned. "It's not over yet! I will have you, Tuomas Holopainen!"  
Tuomas, on the other side of the door, sighed.

Tarja didn't leave her house for days. She didn't pick up her phone for days. She only allowed Toni to see her, him she told everything.  
That Tuomas had been the most perfect boyfriend, he had loved her like no one else had loved her before, not even her late husband. That she loved him back with her whole heart. That his parents liked and accepted her. And that she thought that he slept with another woman, who had visited him at home.  
Toni didn't believe his sister. "If you say he loved you like no one has loved you before, why would he cheat on you?"   
"No, he didn't cheat on me. He cheated on that Laura with me." Tarja's eyes were full of tears and her brother shook his head again.  
"No, never. From what you've told me, he wouldn't do that."  
But he had no chance to ease her up. That night, Thursday evening, he needed a while until he succeeded to calm her down enough to make her sleep. He had a plan - and as soon as his sister was asleep, he stole her phone, went downstairs and called Tuomas.

Tuomas was backstage as he felt his phone vibrate in his jeans pocket. First he sighed, thinking it was his mother, who just wanted to wish him all the best. But his heart almost stopped as he saw the name on the display.  
Tari  
"Thank God, Tarja!" be breathed into the phone as he picked up. "I was so worried, are you crazy? Why did you just leave and never call me?"  
"Toni Turunen," a voice on the other line answered. "Tarja's brother."  
Tuomas stumbled back, leaning against the wall. "Is - is Tarja ..."  
"She's fine," Toni said. "But you need to tell me now who Laura is."  
Laura.  
Slowly he realised what had happened. Laura had tried to visit him again and Tarja had fled ... but why? Had Laura told Tarja that him and her were dating?  
"She's my neighbour," Tuomas answered, clenching his fist. What had that crazy woman said?  
"Tarja says that Laura is your girlfriend," Toni Turunen continued, "and that you're cheated on her. With Tarja."  
"That's ridiculous!" Tuomas spat. "Laura is ... Laura is in love with me. That's true. But she's a crazy woman, who happens to live in the same house as me. She stalks me. I'm surprised she didn't see me coming home with Tarja ..."  
"I believe you," Toni said. "But Tarja doesn't."  
"She doesn't trust me," Tuomas said sadly. "She thinks I could break up with her because of her scars. She just doesn't realise how beautiful she is to me ..."  
"Hm," Toni made. "You need to show her somehow."  
"Yes ..." Tuomas stared at the ground. "Did Laura say something that could make Tari think that I was dating her?"  
"Tari ... That's how our mother called her." Tuomas could hear the smile in Toni's voice. "And no, I don't think so. Tarja happens to be very paranoid and angsty ever since she's had her accident."  
"I get you. Hey, I need to go now. I'm having a show now. Could you tell her to call me?"  
"Let's see." Toni laughed. "She's got her own head. You better think of showing her what you feel."  
Tuomas smiled. "Yeah ... I already think I have an idea."

Tarja woke up to an amazing smell. She opened her eyes and caught Tuomas, who held his famous scrambled eggs in front of her face.  
"Tuomas?" she mumbled.  
"I drove here right after the concert," he whispered. "Good morning, baby ..."  
Tarja turned her head away. "Leave ..."  
"No," Tuomas said.  
"Who let you in?"  
"I did," said someone behind Tuomas and Tarja spotted her brother Toni. "He's a great guy, you need to check what he did for you."  
"Scrambled eggs. Wow," Tarja said bitterly.  
"No," Toni laughed. "I'll leave you two alone. You need to talk."  
He closed the door - and locked them.  
"Did he just lock us?" Tarja asked in shock and Tuomas laughed.  
"He doesn't want you to escape. Other than you, he trusts me."  
Tarja didn't answer.  
"Why don't you trust me?" Tuomas whispered. "I love you more than anything. Open your mouth, I can feed you."  
Tarja obliged, her eyes wet once again. "Have you slept anything?"  
"A few hours," Tuomas said. "In the car. Toni let me in this morning."  
"Oh, Tuomas ... I'm so sorry. Laura was there all of a sudden and I was so shocked because I thought that she was your real girlfriend ... or a friend you're sleeping with ..."  
"I've never had sex with Laura," Tuomas answered. "She's a stalker and way too fake. You get me?"  
"Cosmetic surgery?" Tarja answered without looking at him.  
"Yes. But not like you." Tuomas took a deep breath. "She was beautiful when I met her. Beautiful but unhappy with herself. I've never seen more than a fan in her but she thought that I didn't like how she looked. So she started with the operations, thinking I would like her then. But for me she became more and more ugly."  
"She lives next to you ..."  
"She's a stalker," Tuomas repeated. "She follows me everywhere. If you look up her Facebook page, you might think that we are a couple for real." He laughed. "She posts edited pictures of her and me and I think everyone who's a Nightwish fan knows about her craziness. Look at her again, Tarja. She isn't pretty. What made you think so?"  
"She doesn't have scars ..."  
Tuomas sighed and put the plate with the eggs away.  
"You stupid woman," he said gently and touched her face. "I love those scars, you know?"  
Tarja smiled. "You said everyone who's a Nightwish fan knows about her?" she then asked.  
"Yes. She's not welcomed at any concert of us. Stalkers aren't welcomed."  
"I love you, Tuomas," Tarja whispered.  
"I love you too," Tuomas whispered back and got closer. "Just the way you are. And I want to be with you forever. And now let me show you something." He reached into his jeans pocket, pulling out his phone. "I told Juhani from the crew to record this. It's from the back, I'm sorry. But I'm sure there are more people who recorded this from the crowd." He gave his phone to her. "Press play."  
Tarja was so curious, she did what he wanted her to do.  
Juhani had recorded the band from behind, just as Tuomas went to the front, shooing Anette away from the microphone.  
"I wrote a new song," he said. "And I'm going to sing it."  
The crowd exploded. Everyone screamed.  
Anette grabbed the microphone again. "Are you sure? You know your voice is horrible, right?"  
Tarja had to laugh. "Really?"  
"Yes," Tuomas chuckled. "Just wait ..."  
"It's for the woman I love," the Tuomas in the video said and Tarja blushed. "Her name is Tarja. And I want to show her how much I love her ..."  
"What did you do?" Tarja whispered.  
"Just watch ..."  
Tuomas went back to his keyboard, arranging Anette's microphone on it, until it had the right position. "Okay, so ... you ready?" The crowd screamed. "The song is called Beauty And The Beast."  
"I'm the beast?" Tarja asked and Tuomas shook his head.  
"You're the beauty ..."  
Then the intro of the song started. Tuomas was playing all by himself, there were no drums nor guitars, just Tuomas and his keyboard. And when he started to sing, Tarja had to cover her mouth.  
It was the funniest and cutest thing she had ever seen and heard.  
"Remember the first dance we shared? Recall the night you melted my ugliness away? The night you left with a kiss so kind, only a scent of beauty left behind."  
He stopped playing, said "That part is for her to sing," and continued:  
"Oh, dear friend I remember the night, the moon and the dreams we shared. Your trembling paw in my hand, dreaming of that northern land, touching me with a kiss of a beast."  
The crowd cheered and Tarja laughed. He had sung this part in a tried soprano voice, showing everyone that this was her part. It sounded horrible indeed. Now he was singing tenor again.  
"I know my dreams are made of you- of you and only for you! Your ocean pulls me under, your voice tears me asunder, love me before the last petal falls!"  
Tarja had tears in her eyes. He had written that for her - talking about her as the beauty?  
"And one last time in her voice," the video-Tuomas announced and sang:  
"As a world without a glance, of the ocean's fair expanse. Such the world would be if no love did flow in thee. But as my heart is occupied, your love to me now has to die. Forgive me, I need more than you can offer me!"  
He stopped to play and said: "Didn't you read the tale where happily ever after was to kiss a frog? Don't you know this tale in which all I ever wanted - I'll never have? For who could ever learn to love a beast?"  
The crowd screamed.  
And this was where Tuomas stopped the video.  
"It might be a depressing song but somehow it fits. Because I love you, Tarja. And after this, the whole Nightwish fandom knows I do. Please. Please come back with me. My band really wants to meet you ... and I want you to meet them. Please trust me."  
Tarja looked at him. "I trust you. Please, forgive me ..."  
"Of course," Tuomas whispered and sunk his lips on hers. "Remember, beauty is found within ..."


End file.
